Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
