Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
