if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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