For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
