Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
