Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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