I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
