I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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