OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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