she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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