I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
