At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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