I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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