so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
