i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
