I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
