rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
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all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it