I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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