is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?