Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
