Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
