the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
