I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
