I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
