Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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