I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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