My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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