sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
