There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
