just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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