Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
