God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
