A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
