It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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