So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
