I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
