I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
