Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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