omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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