She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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