Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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