Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
