she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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