Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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