I got chris browned last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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