I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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