Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
