Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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