Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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