guys are only as good as the porn they watch
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
