We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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