I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
