i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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