Duck Duck Cougar?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
