I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
