I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
