She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
