she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
