i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
