1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
now i know why i became what i already was.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
