By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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