Just took my morning after pill in the library
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
