theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My dick has a subreddit
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
