my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
