I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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