but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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