He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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