chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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