sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
